"Panic Disorder is a very serious health problem and should never be taken lightly. It is a problem that can become very disabling. Once someone has had a panic attack, they may have panic disorder. Panic attacks can cause a person to develop irrational fears that are called phobias. The sufferer suffers great anxiety and fear about another panic attack, it may leave the sufferer unable to get on a bus or even leave their home. At this point, the sufferer is said to have panic disorder. This disorder can seriously affect a person's life.

Up to 4 people in every 100 will experience episodes of intense, overwhelming fear that reach a peak within 10 minutes and come on suddenly and unexpectedly. During these attacks, it is not unusual to feel that you are having a heart attack, are being suffocated or are going crazy. During these periods, people often say they have heart palpitations, a rapid heart beat, shortness of breath or choking. There may also be sweating, nausea and diarrhea, trembling and shaking during these attacks. As well, the person may describe a sense of things being unreal, or that they feel detached from themselves. These symptoms together are known as a panic attack. When a person has repeated panic attacks, they are diagnosed as having panic disorder."

"Over the years I have learned to deal with depression. I have found ways to cope with it when I realize that I am depressed. Sometimes I don't even realize that I am depressed until someone points it out to me, usually a close family member. Too often, I have failed to recognize my own depression and even at times when I was aware of it, I didn't want to admit it and denied it to others. To me, being depressed was showing "personal weakness" and that I was unable to stay on top of things, making me feel like a failure. At times, I felt no one would understand and even perhaps look down on me. It has even crossed my mind that if anyone knew how depressed I was feeling, they would avoid me, after all, who wants to be around someone who is depressed? I know it's hard enough for me to deal with depression when I'm the one depressed let alone anyone else being around me. I know it is hard for people around especially friends and loved ones to understand and even help me when I feel badly. However, I do know that friends and family can help and do make a difference during those hard times."
1:35 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

Sunday, May 27, 2001
 
I MISS YOUUUUUUUU :P :P :P
9:04 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

Saturday, May 26, 2001
 
HOLY !
did you see that it(below) was posted *right* on top of the hour lol

11:04 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
I feel like a wife waiting for husband to get home...
"Home, Sweet Home....HONEY, I'M HOME!!"
:)

I revised my book critique, which I thought was awesome at the time I wrote it with drowsy flustered brain system and an urge to get the thing over with so I could catch a couple more minutes' sleep lol I'm going to re-hand in my critique, hope the teacher will allow that..
I posted it up on amazon.com, and that pretty much brought me to eleven o'clock.

*yawns* Okay, I really have to work on this thingy.. for Ancient Civilizations. ARGH.
11:00 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
what the heck is wrong with this....!
8:38 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
okay, so this is back on now tooo... obviously you should've checked my OTHER weblog first :D :D good for you ;)

it's getting cold now.. aww.. and NO i don't like it when my friends are horny.
3:27 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

Thursday, May 24, 2001
 
I just got home from a lesson with my regular teacher, and well, it's so good to play again! :)
We worked on Brahms Sonata No.2 and he is delighted that I've chosen to do this.. :D we're both Brahms maniac :D
hehehe... i'm in a good mood, as you can tell, but it does not mean that i'm free from the crazy pile of work :(((((

2:32 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

Tuesday, May 22, 2001
 
finally finished all my English assignments.
I had to get up at 5:10 this morning, and I'm really really sorry I've been abandoning these assignments 'til the very last minute........ As for my first draft of the book critique, I stole one of the reviews on amazon lol of course, I WILL write a great review of my own, but I simply had no time to write it just yet.... and I have to bring it to the class for PEER EDITING-....no comment on this...- so I need to have something to show them. The due date for the final draft is this Friday, and I should have it done by then..!
6:57 AM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

Monday, May 21, 2001
 
okay.. I'm taking a nap..finally.. (went to bed at 2 am and got up at 6 30 am)
and, oh yeah i like a kiss on the neck..
*grin*
4:21 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
I'm finishing up the last journal............................
I need some sleep first though..
3:09 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

Sunday, May 20, 2001
 
oh there's an ice cream truck passing by.. i want to eat ICE CREAM!!!
8:09 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
I've been looking at my titis in the mirror for the past 10 minutes cuz of this lol
"Personality & Breast Shape"

AS ALWAYS, I am unable to categorize myself clearly by this personality test either, but I know what I am not.
I am not:
plump breast OR very flat-chested OR narrowly-gapped chest OR saggy chest.

So what does this leave me with? Of course, for you to find out (LIKE i would tell you?!)!
1:13 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
WOOOW it's already 12... should go practice more, from 1 i have to start writing the remaining two journals...
and I like to be hugged from behind
!
:D
12:07 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
“…And how can I upbraid people and grow angry when I, myself, with all the goodwill in the world have not been able to make a song and any sweet music out of my life! … I am really aware of an imperative urge, of a thirsting desire for one pure, pleasing, essentially holy sound and its fading away, but my days are full of mischance and discord and wherever I turn and wherever I strike, there is never a true and clear echo.”

You can't love others unless you can love yourself first.
You can't make others believe that you are beautiful before you consider yourself to be beautiful.
The same way, you can't make others love your music unless you can love your music yourself..

12:01 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

Saturday, May 19, 2001
 
I wish to be done with all of this as soon as possible, so I can go back into the sweet arms of music...

8:40 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
I'm analyzing a novel called Gertrude, by Hermann Hesse. Unfortunately it is not one of his better known books, and I have to write 4 journals on it..and a book review..This morning I edited my first two journals, and now I have two more to go--I hate, HATE book analysis with passion. I love this book and being forced to analyze every single detail of it is completely agonizing me! It's still a good book.. I'll post my journals on my other weblog as they come along, finished. Maybe you could help me out with suggestions, etc..? :) hehe.. "oh you are a sweetheart." :D
1:47 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
I am one very happy....girl... :)
*sighs*

6:51 AM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

Thursday, May 17, 2001
 
HEE HEE IF I WANNA DO IT, I DO IT! I PRACTICED! WEEEEEEEEE!!!!
:D :D :D :D :D
For mere fudge two hours, but I feel so good I could jump up and down all around the room :P
8:13 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
I WANT TO PRACTICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3:25 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
I think I've been too happy lately.. haven't even touched my cello for days and I don't even feel too worried or anything--well I do, but really, I'm too happy. Dangerous--I'm getting depressed.
3:22 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
Cello is, an OROTUND instrument! HA-HA! Disagree with me? It's a duel!! >:)
1:43 AM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

Wednesday, May 16, 2001
 
OH i almost forgot. today is my parent's anniversary. :)
2:52 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
we took a class photo in my music & computers class today, and since i'm the only girl in the class the teacher told the guys to surround me as if i were the centre of the attention lol
that was pretty embarrassing but now that i think about it, i'm really truly sorry i didn't put my arm around stas. he was standing right beside me, on the right side! dammit! lol
hee hee. :D
2:48 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
ARGH don't embarrass meeeee
mari=incorrigible
i like dirty but i don't like it too much...

don't go back to your hole though, you know i love you!
2:42 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

Tuesday, May 15, 2001
 
Okay, your eyes have not gone crazy(or your brain for that matter), what you see is right, it is RED. i was in such a violent mood as i posted the last fudging message, i still am and couldn't help it and
i had to see the red. what DO you want!?!?
11:11 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
oh i'm so freakin' annoyed.
why can't i be more independent? why can't i manage my own life?
i know i'm making my life harder for myself but i just can't help but feel annoyed in the most excruciating way.
i've no desire to work any more tonight, and that totally pisses me off too, cuz i so f*cking have to do the work tonight.
don't ask me why i'm so violent, it may be the twenty donut holes (sour cream they were) i consumed earlier today that's kicking in finally, or whatever, but
OH I'M SO F***ING ANNOYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11:04 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

Monday, May 14, 2001
 
i'm just throwing a nothing in this.. why? cuz that's what it's supposed to be for! yeah! i say anything and everything in here.. anything at all. i told you it's my DIRT log.. yep yep just don't complain when it's filled with my guys crap.. :P
10:31 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
Okay, I'm crazy about Boston. So WHAT? This is still a good story! I mean, miracle pills for cancers!

"Docs tout miracle pill for some cancers".
10:04 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
I'm losing them... I have lost one or two and I am losing more- could it be that the end is near, for us? I would not like to think so.

The night before Mother's Day, I wrote a long letter to my mother. I was feeling very inspired and grateful, after the lesson which took place earlier in the afternoon...and God just filled these beautiful and true words into me and I just poured them out..I cried as I wrote it, and so did my mother, as she read it the next morning.

Words written on paper, can do a miracle. Especially for my mom, it has an ultimately powerful effect.. It seems that now she feels more confident about my ability and my responsibility, and as a result, I might be living on my own.. when I go to university next year that is. We do love each other, only just the way it is expressed is often negative, under such extremely pressing circumstances which we live under.
4:32 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

Friday, May 11, 2001
 
trouble..
6:51 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

 
I'm school again, and I'm experimenting. With this weblog, I mean, not doing anything bad :P
12:25 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

Thursday, May 10, 2001
 
Thinking of my new Italian beau... lol j/k I mean, I like Italian food. OH great, now you don't believe me. :P ===> "Italy defends national dish".

Ummm wow I was so greatly pissed... I still am cuz I only have an hour to study for the french test...-unit test no.6!...- my mom was being such a...pain in the morning. I just hope it's not too contagious, being so annoying...ok, ok, it's my MOTHER I'm talking about.
...you should never talk about your mother like this. It's an insult to yourself.
I have 50 minutes to study.
Okay, about my taking a break from my online acquaintance, there WERE personal feelings involved, and YES, IT WAS YOU.
lol
I can be ultimately sarcastic, and it makes me such a b*tch.
9:40 AM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!

Tuesday, May 08, 2001
 
When I fear something, there is a reason for it. I don't ever want to have sex until I am married...

10:13 PM | I GOTTA talk to you about this!